Life

Dating after a break up

I wouldn’t normally publicise this side of my private life but seeing as my blogging hiatus has dragged out I thought why not fill you in on the mess that is currently my life! Instead of having a painful break up that caught me by surprise I was experiencing a dragged out but inevitable one. It got to the point where I couldn’t be near him and living in a flat with only two rooms on offer he got the front room and I was confined to the bedroom. Eventually I decided that it was time for me to move out but instead it turned out that I ended up staying in the flat by myself. The first few nights were the hardest I had experienced since my Grandma was diagnosed with Cancer and I was sleeping alone in her house. I love my own space and can’t deal with the intensity of a person 24/7 yet I felt so lonely and lost. The flat was a mess, the TV, the Xbox and other appliances I relied on had been taken when I wasn’t home and was left with a mattress on the floor and a tiny TV on a side table. I laid on the mattress and cried, attempted to console myself with Netflix, countless cigarettes and music but nothing calmed the restlessness of my mind. 

After nearly five years with the same person, lost friends and comfortable familiarity I was initially concerned that I just wouldn’t be able to date again. I had been made to feel like I couldn’t do any better, constantly criticised and made to feel stupid, it took me a while to mentally remove myself from that situation and start feeling independent again. As soon as I started seeing family and friends alone I was the happiest I had been since college, and I realised it wasn’t normal to not be allowed that freedom and independence, that it is actually a basic right I have for myself. One of the friends I met up with during the break up was using Tinder, and I had never even seen it before let alone knew how to use it. I downloaded it predominantly as a joke whilst I was at the pub- I didn’t even know the right way to swipe at first for a small indicator of my complete naivety and separation from the single/dating world! 

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Once I started receiving messages on Tinder I started chatting to a few guys casually until I adjusted to the situation which surprisingly took very little time. Meeting up with a ‘stranger’ was my biggest worry, as I had heard about people’s bad/sketchy experiences and am an avid lover of Catfish! I eventually bit the bullet as I really wanted to move on with my life. I wasn’t eager or desperate for rebound sex or a rebound relationship as I wasn’t hurt/upset by the break up as it was my choice and had been a long time coming so I had no expectations when meeting guys. In total since I’ve had the app I’ve met up with four guys- one was terrible, one was even terribler, one was messy and the other was one of the best decisions I have had made for myself in a long time. 

The dangerous thing for me personally when it comes to dating is when I develop feelings for someone. I have been hurt and stressed for too much of my life to want any more of that to persevere. I started dating again with the intention of going for drinks/ seeing guys so that I could have fun again and enjoy myself on my terms. However the successful date off Tinder that I brushed over is developing into feelings and emotions again. I find it impossible to trust anyone just yet, especially when scenarios and characteristics are deja vu’s of past events and a failed relationship. 

My expectation of Tinder was casual hook ups and dick pics, but instead I have actually fallen for someone off it instead…

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8 thoughts on “Dating after a break up

  1. Jess when Chris broke up with me in December, my situation was just like yours. I felt broken and lost. I didn’t know how to live!
    I also downloaded tinder and met a few disaster dates but then I found Neil (on tinder) and he is possibly the best person to come Into my life. Take each day as it comes and you will Rock it my love
    Xox

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  2. So lovely to see you blogging again babe and I’m sorry you’ve had a shit time but sounds like things are on the up! I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma, my Dad has been diagnosed with cancer twice in the past three years so I know what you’re going through (he’s fine now). Hope things with the new guy go well!
    Amy xxx
    http://www.callmeamy.co.uk

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m really sorry about your breakup and your grandma. It’s great to hear that you’ve picked yourself up so well though. I’m glad you’ve had good experience with Tinder. I’ve just started using it myself 🙂
    xx
    adrugstoreaddiction.com

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  4. I’m so happy to see you take this important step in finding your happiness again! Not to say you cannot be single and happy (currently my struggle and mantra) but companionship is something we crave as humans so I get it!

    I’ve become single in the last three months and it sounds as if your relationship was just like mine. Dating has been tough, scary, tiresome, and exhilarating all at once. Cheers to finding what truly makes us happy, whatever or whomever that may be! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  5. Tinder is something that a lot of people judge for not providing you with possibly the most nicest people you could meet. I became single in June and started dating later last year. Tinder led me to my current boyfriend who I can see a future with now. Try not to focus on worrying about the past and how hurt you were in your previous relationship and concentrate on enjoying the moment and creating new memories with new people 🙂 xx

    Yasmina | The July Journal

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  6. I really want to try Tinder but I’m worried I’ll end up being matched with weirdos from my local area! I might just have to download it and see what it’s like for a bit!

    Glad you’re back blogging too, lovely.

    Sophie x

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  7. Honey I’m so sorry you’ve had a difficult time,0. Breakups are always awful, when your living with someone and been with them that long it’s so much harder though. I’m so glad things are looking up for you, just take your time with the new guy and look after yourself
    Lauren
    livinginaboxx | bloglovin

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