Health

Is it too late now to say sorry?

Last week it was pointed out to me that my sorry reflex has got me apologising for saying sorry.. and that’s when I realised it was out of control. At first I thought perhaps it was an overly British, ‘polite’ response to other people’s rudeness and lack of manners, you know the one where you apologise for another’s wrong? A bag laden woman whacks into you with almighty force, and you apologise for being in the path of the bags….or you walk up to a till and a member of staff is carrying on their inappropriate conversation and you apologise for waiting to be served?! It started as this admittedly, but now I find myself apologising for everything and it’s not just self-loathing it’s become a habit and a learnt response. When I was younger I used to apologise for everything under the sun as my Mum was nuts, but after moving away from all the craziness I became confident and strong, and now since I have moved out on my own (admittedly it’s been 4 years), I have found myself trapped in the sorry cycle again.

Rational reasoning:

  • Being swallowed into depression and anxiety sometimes everything really does feel like your fault and you’re too blame. I almost feel like I am apologising for existing and being such an annoyance to everyone. Once you write it out and consider it though it’s actually a really selfish thought and feeling (yes depression is selfish), but to think that everyone is THAT bothered about you and your actions….are they really? No. So don’t apologise for being yourself, just own it, you can’t be anyone but you, and if someone doesn’t like you for you then don’t apologise.
  • Sometimes I apologise when other people are rude or in the wrong, mainly because of the absence of acknowledgment or a sorry and I guess I feel awkward in the situation.
  • It’s really nice to be there for someone in a difficult time/ situation, and it’s perfectly normal to express ‘I am sorry you are feeling like that’, or ‘sorry for your loss’, but apologising for something you personally haven’t done wrong is completely different and unnecessary.

Excessive and unnecessary apologies can be a sign or something more than just being polite. Mine was a sign of the aftermath of an oppressive upbringing, and now lack of confidence and nerves. It sounds weird but it’s the same as telling someone you love them, you want to wait until you really mean it and it’s special- you don’t just throw it around (or do you….I don’t know), but the more you say sorry the more it loses it’s impact and meaning.

9 thoughts on “Is it too late now to say sorry?

  1. Oh my goodness, I totally feel ya girl. I’m forever saying sorry when there really isn’t a need too, even that example you shared of interrupting someone’s convo in a shop happened to me yesterday! & you just think.. no.. why should I apologise? I find myself doing it at work a lot (serving customers) as anything they aren’t happy with, which is completely out of my control normally, you have to apologise for.

    I totally get what you mean when you say about the anxious side of the brain makes everything seem like it’s your fault as well. That constantly drags me down xxx

    http://www.hello-cat.blogspot.com

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  2. Ah I totally get this babe, constantly apologise for stuff that isn’t my fault or even just when there’s nothing at all to apologise for! I think it’s a hard thing to try and stop when it’s such a habit but hope you manage it!
    Amy xxx

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  3. I say sorry for being sorry too – it’s a bad habit that was mentioned to me at work!! I think it was because I was so worried about messing up that any small thing I did I was so apologetic for. I’m not so bad now, but I do think it becomes a habit! Glad to know that I’m not the only one…

    Suitcase and Sandals Blog XX

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  4. I absolutely love this post. I do this at work too often and I feel like it brings down my credibility and makes me appear less confident – most of the time that’s why I say sorry. Love knowing I’m not the only one! xx

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  5. I’m glad that you realized what’s going on with yourself and you know that you’re apologizing too much. Writing it all down here probably help too but the main thing to remember is you did get away from it all and you are doing much better by yourself now. I say good on you for this. xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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  6. Thank you so much for writing this. As someone who suffers from depression, I sometimes feel guilty for no reason at all, and just say sorry. Being depressed is not something to be sorry about and yet we are. As you said, it’s a cycle. The only thing we can do is try to care for ourselves. ❤

    xx Bash |   go say   H E Y   B A S H

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  7. I’ve never come across a post like this before and can totally relate! I always suffer from anxiety or nerves everyday and find things can be hard sometimes when I’m feeling especially down! I’ve always had the bad habit of saying sorry for well over six years now and still do it to this day ha,ha! I’m not even sure if I’m aware of it or if its a subconscious thing but everybody points it out! I’m trying to think before I speak now and limiting the amount of times I say sorry a day but it just feels normal now but I don’t think it’s as bad as it used to be thankfully! x

    Jenny | Krystel Couture

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